A lot of writers will tell you they’ve known they wanted to be a novelist since they were five years old and penned their first novel, The Magnificent Struggle of the Fart in my Butt.
I’m not one of those.
My childhood dream was to be a computer animator, so in the mid-’90s I went to a very expensive art school. There I took a random elective in Theater and Film. The class sparked something in me, and I wrote an epic space-opera bedroom-farce. I submitted it to the school’s theater troupe and they chose to stage it as their Fall production.
Unfortunately, the show was a hit.
Man, life would have been so much easier if it had been a miserable bomb. But it wasn’t. It was one of the most fun things I ever did.
The writing bug had its teeth in me.
Six years later I quit a lucrative career in video game animation to go into seclusion to write the Great American Post-Nuclear-Apocalypse Adventure Comedy Novel. I expected to sell a million copies, win a dozen literary awards, and spend my Saturday nights playing poker with Stephenie Meyer and Stephen J. Cannell.
It didn’t work out that way. When I finally finished the book it wasn’t what most critics would call “good,” or even “competent.” Nonetheless, it got me in the door at a small-time publisher specializing in apocalypse fiction. So naturally my next book was a romantic comedy told entirely through blog posts that they had no interest in publishing.
The next logical step was, of course, to get a job in a writers’ room at Disney Channel. Not writing. Getting coffee for the writers. But in time I worked my way up the ranks until I was getting my own scripts produced. With my thumb on the pulse of the world’s tween audience, I quit my job to write an adult paranormal thriller about an estranged family trying to kill each other.
So yeah. You could call my output “inconsistent.” You could call me a “literary scatter-gun clusterfuck.” You could say I’m “the absolute worst at finding and building an audience.” But from now on, all of that’s gonna change. I’m doubling down on one idea and running with it.
My next book is an urban fantasy comedy about a dead lesbian metalhead fighting poltergeists with sitcom magic. I hope you enjoy it.
Your old pal,